What do I miss most? Freed from censorship. And for knowledge to stay unrestraint and willful.

I suppose since I have taken up the decision, I have to live with its consequences.

I am just finding it hard to make it matter, to mean something to me.

We just have to see how I will be in 3-5 years’ time, don’t we?

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Birthday is coming. FRIENDS, please remember that I am and forever will be, 21.

I have a HUGE yet private surprise(s) planned for Ehsan :p hope they work out!

I suppose we all hope that we will always mean something to someone else.

So yeah, all these efforts to make someone else happy, is actually for our own benefit.

Endless though. Because we may end up craving for more and more

Anyway, Ehsan birthday cake will be Dark Chocolate Strawberry Cheesecake. I just need to figure out what is a springfoam aka cheesecake baking pan :S where to go it and how to actually USE one.

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Perhaps I should list out what I want to do, before the year ends.

(1)    Learn first aid (for fun and its useful plus I get an excuse to make others look like a Mummy)

(2)    Driving lessons (a case of money no enough, so I do not really know when I can begin this)

(3)    Scuba diving (Ehsan promised this but it never seem to materialize)

(4)    A friend gave me the idea to volunteer at the hospital (am checking it out right after this entry is posted)

Sigh. I miss doing research and reading about complicated theories and thoughts.

i am not trying to sound righteous… but seriously, the creation of knowledge within Singapore schools are so… limited and perhaps even, self-indulgent… lulls you to not to care about anything else, other than what is given to you.

the need to question. the desire to search for meaningful experiences. the excitement of having dialogs and disagreements (debates/discussions) with others.

i stand before you as a unique entity. i may be different, but i do not really care about what you may think of me. what matters – i have an opinion. i make my own decisions. i am able to not be afraid of changes and differences. i appreciate diversity and have respect for the individuality.

perhaps that is why i decided to dye my hair red

am poorer by $100 :S nice ambiance though… i dropped a strawberry and had streaks of choc on the glass table. ehsan… he broke a shot glass (of chocolate). we are both such classy couple!

became a lil high afterwards. oh he gave me a cutesy heart shaped mini “wreath” = one pink rose and one red rose and baby breath and white yellowish carnations. hahahaha!

loved the macaroons…

(1)    Family = estimated 90 individuals

Mum’s side:

-          Parents (2)

-          Sherlita’s family (5)

-          Grandparents (2)

-          Uncles & Aunts & Cousins (25 max)

-          Granduncles & Grandaunts, with their families (10 max)

Dad’s side:

-          Uncles & Aunts & Cousins (35 max)

-          Granduncles & Grandaunts, with their families (10 max)

(2)    CNM Family = estimated 25 individuals

-          The usual: Wes, Rob, Kei, Rahimah, Hanah, Nilar, Joel & Ben X 2 (for their plus ones & anyone I have missed) (15 max)

-         Contemplating on whether should invite lecturers like Alex and any other previous teachers like Ms. Hafizah Osman from my pri school (10 max)

(3)    IAP Family = estimated 15 individuals

-          The usual: Fadhir, Muz, Fatma, Shikah, Parv, Fiza, Nuda & Wee X 2 (for their plus ones & anyone else they might want to bring)

(4)    Muslim Society Friends = estimated 40 individuals

-          Exco people, Ehsan’ & mine (actually I feel that I am closer to his exco! I am also glad there is inbreeding, so do not really need plus ones!) (40 max)

(5)    Polytechnic, TKGS & Primary School Friends = estimated 75 individuals

-          Poly – like Jean, Mei, Gwen (if she is still talking to me) & the 5 makciks (if I can still contact them) X 2 (for some of their plus ones – max 10)

-          TKGS – this is very tricky –  Band (10 max), 2E3 + 4E8 + other classes (30 max)

-          Pri – tricky as well in terms of contacting them – the usual – Sulin, Wan Li, Huiyin & Huiying X2 for plus ones and anyone I might have missed (15 max)

(6)    NIE Friends = estimated 62 individuals

-          The usual bunch – Kelv, Shalyn, Kerui, Weijie, Navin & Cheryl X2 for their plus ones (12)

-          Group mates – Gesl (20) + Others (20 max – may overlap)

-          Teaching friends (when I get posted) – (max 30)

(7)    NDI Friend = estimated 40 individuals

-          If it is just the Ideas & Main Comm (10 max)

-          If it is the WHOLE humanitarian group (additional 30 max)

(8)    Neighbors = estimated 10 individuals (may I will try to be less friendly)

(9)    Ehsan’s Army friends = estimated 60 individuals

(10) Ehsan’s School (VS, VJC, NUS) friends = estimated 30 individuals

(11) Ehsan’s family = estimated 90 individuals

TOTAL = 540 (rounded up)

Ah freak. The estimated was 300 individuals!

dubai our uno destination. free and easy… flight (jet airways) and accommodations (hotel grand moov) were purchased from zuji.com for around $1.2K, insurance totaled it up to $1.3K. i changed around SG$600- $700  in total for spending on food, tours and shopping.

all packed!

and so the 6 days dubai trip begins – shots in changi airport t3 & in the plane (we got biz class ).

mahr is obligatory for the man, as a form of his sincere appreciation and desire for the lady he wants to marry. it is a token of – friendship & symbol of commitment for the man to show that he is able to take care of his wife (very patriarchal in a sense!).

in my personal opinion, it will be rather insulting to put an insanely high material price on a lady (blame consumerism/capitalism?). when the intentions of the mahr goes wrong, is recklessly abused – i would see it as a form of prostituting oneself for the best buyer.

i AM gorgeously talented :p but there is no need for a price to be named for me in tangible terms.

i think the wife could choose to return her mahr back to her husband if she wishes to. but most of all, if for the sake of justifying her mahr rights n allowing her husband to show his sincerity for her, she must be reminded to not overly burden him.

read more: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503543426

—-

but unfortunately, a few hours later, i succumbed to frivolity and replied again with this:

AH I CHANGED MY MIND!

I still want my Tiffany Ring as the mahr and hopefully a wonderful collection that comes along with it over my marriage years hahahaha! harry winston… van cleef… cartier

AND i want Colin Cowie to be my wedding planner! a theatrical theme with splashes of white and crimson red roses. lavender scented potpourri for the guests who will be dressed in lovely lovely satin n velvety dresses and suits. sparklers and whimsical masks for the lil ones!

oh and a wonder girls’ dance! i want nobody nobody but YOU!

and finally be whisked away to the spectacular views of maldives or the caribbean.

enjoy the last week of jan all

Yeps. shamelessly materialistic :p

—

giving up.

it IS an option. it just depends on whether you are willing to receive the consequences. there are bound to be regrets yet at the same time, it may open you up to consider other options (which you priorly seem not to notice).

i.e.: you did not like arts when it was given to you, but you seem to be doing well in it, much more than your other subjects.

what matters is – you have tried your hardest, and you realized its time to let go and move on. there’s no definitive way/a definite way to live a “successful” life.

but i have to emphasize – consequences are not easy to bear. so think things throughly. make the choice not because its an easy one, but a difficult one.

—

So for now, some small thoughts for the day:

One of my favourite Korean variety shows is this Golden Bell Challenge. Basically students participate in it and answer a series of questions. In each question, those who answered wrongly will have to drop off from the competition. The final one standing will be able to ring the bell and participate in more regional competitions, as well as receive a month long scholarship to attend a school in America and obtain some funds for his/her school to improve upon their facilities.

Anyway, in between the questions, the will interview some students or both teachers and students will perform and do funny antics. One interview strikes me – A guy student and a girl student are best friends. The girl told the host that the guy is really aloof and lack of emotions. So if one wants to be his friend, one need to just ignore this character trait of his and continue to be the one who initiates and talks more.

The host remarked that she is one lively and outgoing girl. She told him that she was not like that all the time… and then proceeded to inform him that she used to be lonely (she was crying by this time) – no one wanted to be friends with her and she ate lunch alone in school. She also told the other students that one should not alienate another person just because they are different.

Ah yes, discrimination, people can be cruel. However, she looked quite “normal”. She reminded me of myself actually… I used to be really introverted but then I decided to change. That is why throughout my life, I refused to belong in any “cliques” or have any one singular best friend. You tend to exclude others then. I am friends with everyone who wants to be friends with me… exception are some true and proven jerks. I am the kind who will tend to talk to those quieter ones in the group or those who I sensed to be feeling a little awkward. I guess our life experiences make who we are.

—

Daily conversations with Ehsan (edited of course):

(1)

Ehsan: I have washed my car!

Arly: Did you do some Paris Hilton’s sexy poses?

Ehsan: Of course! Played with the hose, let the water run down my taut abs, flex muscles as I wipe… the girls watching went crazy!

Arly: Are you sure they are not Banglas with long hair?

Ehsan: Hehe… Banglas with long nose hair! Hahahahaha!!

(2)

Ehsan: Showered, eaten, chat with Arly… now getting ready for bed, that’s life being fulfilled for today.

Arly: Ah wait, pooping is what makes the ultimate satisfaction.

Ehsan making disagreement snorts.

Arly: Oh okay, its sex that makes the ultimate satisfaction.

Ehsan agrees readily!

got this from wee

My lover writes under the glimmer of the pale moonlight. His thoughts only on his beautiful delicate princess, nothing could keep him away from his reverie. Whilst writing, momentarily he feels as if her cascading dark hair is gently touching his face… her breath is light despite being in deep slumber, dreaming of their future. A strong gust of wind blew and she shivered… he held her even closer and tighter, keeping her warm. He has to protect her. Under the blanket of the night, they lay still… both hearts beat in unison.

ughhh too many mistakes in my 21 posts for 3 dec. i am going crazy!!! i shall hide them for a bit… :S

arly DO NOT edit the posts! go watch korean shows…

oh anyway, interesting – ndp2010 songs by the average singaporean.‘

but ah a cute photo to end the day